when the festival is over

I saw Only and Tout Est Parfait last night at the last night of the Possible Worlds festival. At first the long, languorous trekking by Only's two adorable protagonists, Daniel and Vera, frustrated me. Then I realised that I recongised this maddening, horizonless feeling that was pressing on my chest. It felt like being a kid again, the future stretched out before you and a whole other future stretching out beyond the first. This beautiful, natural little film didn't just remind me of being twelve. I actually had some kind of physical chemical reaction and felt twelve again. Only also featured what has to be one of the best on-screen kisses I've ever seen. That kiss captured all of the awkwardness and the uplifting joy that comes with every peircing transformation in that magical period of pre-adolescence.

In fact, if the little boy had been sitting on the swing and the little girl had run away straight afterwards, it would pretty much have been a faithful dramatic re-enactment of my first kiss. I think his name was Sean. I've lost all my diaries from that time.

The soundtrack from this film was brilliant as well- I'm not sure if this is the name I read on the credits, but I've been listening to these guys today and it's a similar sweetheart-indie kind of sound, so it does give you the general vibration. http://www.myspace.com/theenvelopes

The night began in innocence, and then Tout Est Parfait ripped it out from beneath us in the most achingly beautiful way. This story of suicide, friendship, and family was a delight to watch. The conversations afterwards were just as challenging. One person suggested to me that it was so difficult for many people to watch because it simply cut too close to the bone- the bone being their own suicidal thoughts or attempts. I've never, ever contemplated suicide personally. I don't think I'm hard-wired for it. I found I reacted to the film in the same way that I react to death generally; I find the ceremonies of death intensely life affirming, intoxicatingly so. Some of the people I watched it with had the opposite reaction, like the film was a portal window into some kind of terrifying abyss. We were all drunk on our own wildly disparate emotions afterwards, which I think might be the mark of universality.

The journey from the discovery of childhood to the pain of adulthood was a testament to Matt and Marianne's hard work. Anyone can put on a party- but creating moments in people's lives where they walk out feeling more excited about the possibilities of the immediate future is a gift, and one we are blessed to be able to share with them all year round.